ayo, get out of my bra

My whole goal with coming out and talking about cancer, was to help educate people.  I want people to ask questions, I want people to advocate for themselves, I want people to know they have choices.  The hard balance with this is talking about a depressing topic-cancer.  I have to talk about cancer everyday.  My goal is to do better at writing and then eventually put this out there for my friends to digest.  It’s been a struggle to want to sit down and type away when I have cancer talk coming out of my mouth at all times.  I would like to transition away from talking about cancer every time I see friends, because hopefully they’ll read this and not feel like they have to ask me for updates every time we have get togethers.

Okay, so let’s get to the topic that’s been on my mind a lot.  “So what size are you going to get?” Is the question everyone and their mom keeps asking me regarding my surgery to remove my breasts and get implants.  I am not a modest person, bodies do not make me uncomfortable.  Talking about bodies, bodies in clothes, bodies not in clothes, none of it bothers me or offends me, however I can’t understand why anyone wants to know what size implants I’m getting.  You didn’t know my bra size before I got cancer, so why do you want to know it now?  This question really creeps me out because I can’t find an answer as to why ANYYYYYYYOOOONNNEEEEEE should care what size my boobs are.  I don’t know if this is a ‘I don’t know what to say so I’m going to ask a random question because I’m uncomfortable’ defense, or if people somehow think it’s okay to ask women with fake boobs what size implants they have.  I’m here to share from my experience, I think this question is inappropriate.  I think it’s inappropriate, however it doesn’t offend me.  But, if someone you know/care about is about to lose their breasts, maaaaaayyyyyybe, for sure don’t ask them what size they’re going to get.  What’s the point in bringing this up if you’re not going to offer a solution?  Great question, so now I’m going to offer up some solutions.

If someone you know/care about/etc, is getting a mastectomy and you want to be informed and help them, here’s ways you can:

-ask them if they have someone to go to the hospital with them/if they want visitors

-ask if you can bring them anything while they’re in the hospital

-ask them if you can bring them food when they get home

-my personal fave, just send them funny memes

-literally ask them anything about the surgery that doesn’t involve “what size boobs are ya gonna get?!”  (recovery time, do you have to stay in the hospital, will you need help around the house)

I would shy away from free boob job jokes, telling them at least they’re getting fake boobs, or honestly don’t make ANY kind of joke regarding the fact they’re losing a part of their body they didn’t sign up to chop off in the first place.  It’s a tough situation when you can’t relate to what someone is going through, but remember, you don’t have to try to find them a solution, you can be an amazing friend by listening and letting them know you care.


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