“what’s it like to go through cancer treatment”

*story not written by me.


“One day, you’re minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD there’s a mountain lion in your fridge.  Wait, what?  How?  Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge?  NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.  RUN!  THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU!  UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST!

So you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you.  You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of the mountain, so you better find that bear.  You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear.  Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines.  But they really want to help, so they’re cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion- “GET LOST MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU”- and you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming.

Also, for some reason, there’s someone in the crowd who’s yelling “that’s not really a mountain lion, it’s a puma” and another person yelling “I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?”

As you’re running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions.  Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy- they’re half grown and only have three legs or whatever- why couldn’t I have gotten one of those mountain lions?  But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an asshole for even thinking that- and besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?  Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you- maybe a parent or a best friend, or in my case, my partner- comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, wailing on it and screaming “GOD DAMNIT STOP TRYING TO EAT MY PARTNER” and the mountain lion punches your partner in the face.  Now your partner(or whoever) is rolling around on the ground clutching their nose, and they’ve bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain.  As your partner is now staggering around with a black eye and a bloody nose, and saying “can I get some help, I’ve been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken”, and all you can say is “I’M KIND OF BUSY IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED, I’M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION.”

Then, if you’re lucky, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in an epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead.  Maybe.  You’re not sure- it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are craft.  It could come back at any moment.  And all your friends come running up to you and say “that was amazing!  You’re so brave, we’re so proud of you!  You didn’t die!  That must be a huge relief!”

Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you’re having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear.  And everyone says “boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!”  And all you can think as you stagger to your feet “fuck this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place”.

*story found on instagram by account basic_li who credits Caitlin Feeley.

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