a PSA to hair loss

Exactly 14 days after my first round of chemo, my hair started to fall out.  I told everyone I wasn’t attached to my hair, and I meant it.  I’m not attached to my hair.  It doesn’t mean it wasn’t a punch to the stomach to see it in my hands.  To see it inside all my stocking caps.  Every time I ran my hands through my hair, it would slide into my fingers and stay stuck to my hands.  I need people to understand that I’m not sad about my appearance.  I know everyone is trying to find all the right things to say, and I appreciate everyone trying so hard to be positive, but please stop focusing so much on my appearance.  I cried all weekend over my hair.  It’s not because I’m scared of how I’ll look bald, it’s because I’m mourning the loss.  I didn’t have a nasty woman moment and shave my head like twitter.  I didn’t wake up and decide I wanted to be bald.  Cancer took my hair from me.  Cancer has taken my hair, my eyelashes, my eyebrows.  Cancer has taken the muscle mass I worked so hard to build over the years.  Cancer has taken all the strength away from me that I built from powerlifting.  Cancer is taking my breasts. (I’ll come back to this in another entry)  I don’t need to be reassured that I am more than just my hair or that I’m beautiful bald.  That isn’t what the tears are about.  It’s so much more than my appearance.  I hope that someone reading this starts to make an effort to change their verbiage.  Stop focusing so much on your loved ones appearances, compliments go so much more beyond that.

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