the red devil wasn’t a very nice date

I’m trying to avoid talking about the bad, but I feel like I won’t do cancer survivors justice if I pretend everything is fine.  Yo, this shit is straight up hard as fuck.  And I know none of you want me to respond to “hey how’re you feeling today?” with “sick, I puked 7 times on myself before 10am today” because that’s weird and depressing, and super awkward.  I guess that’s what this is for then, right?  Where I’m supposed to openly talk about the bad.

Today I had to go to the hospital to get IV fluids and more meds because I’ve been puking pretty bad since chemo.  The nausea medicine they gave me causes me killer migraines and it’s kind of worse taking them.  At this point I can’t tell if it’s the chemo making me sick or the nausea meds giving me migraines causing me to be sick constantly.  Everything smells horrible.  Almost everything tastes horrible.  Pictures of coffee make me gag.  I can’t use any metal silverware because it grosses me out.  One thing we can agree on, Iowa needs to get it’s shit together and legalize weed.

Music has been helping me a lot on the ugly days.  This album in particular, has been one I’ve been listening to over the weekend.  Nick booked Touche Amore for the first time in Iowa I think in December of 2009?  I know it was shortly after we first started dating.  They’re one of those top bands that make me feel lots of raw emotions every time I see them live.


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