I hope you’re wearing waterproof mascara

Yesterday I had my chemo port put in.  Today I met with my gynecologist to have my IUD taken out.  I had been dreading this appointment.  I have been dreading telling how this all started because I was filled with so much anger and I knew that every time I had to tell somehow “my story” I would encourage all that anger and rage to grow and consume me.  Today changed that.

“My Story”

In 2015 I found my first lump in my left breast.  After a biopsy, it was classified as benign and a marker was left behind and my life would continue on as normal.  My regular physician recommended I get off of birth control so it wouldn’t cause my lump to grow.  In 2016 I would go on to find another lump in my right breast that would be considered “normal” and a few months later, another lump in my underarm that wouldn’t even be sent for imaging, as my regular physician said it was “probably just hormones”.  This year, in 2018 my endometriosis was so bad that I was referred to a gynecologist that would eventually diagnose me and encourage me to get the Mirena IUD.  After I questioned how it would affect the lumps in my breasts, I was reassured it would be safe.  I signed a piece of paper stating they could only put it in if they did indeed find endometriosis during my surgery.  The endo was confirmed, the Mirena put in, and weeks would pass by and my right breast eventually became hard.  There’s no other way to describe it, it was hard.  I didn’t have a lump, essentially my whole breast was the lump.  When I went in for my follow up appointment is when I showed my gynecologist my right breast and how I got to my cancer diagnosis.  So as you can see, I’ve been pretty salty about this whole IUD thing.

Today I went in to get the IUD taken out and I was nervous for how I would react.  Would I try to punch her in the face?  Would I say anything?  Would I cry?  I woke up insanely early in hopes of trying to get myself out of my stank ass mood I was in.  When she walked inside the exam room, she looked at me and broke down crying.  She asked if she could hug me, and we both sat there crying, holding each other.  All the words that came out of her mouth, are what I needed to hear in order to heal from this situation.  I just needed someone to tell me they were sorry so I could forgive and let go of all my anger.  What I’m going to type next will be really harsh to read, so I need you to prepare yourself.  I do not need your prayers.  What I need is for the medical field to take women’s health serious.  I need doctors to quit shoving birth control down women’s throats as a cure all.  I need research.  Women need research.  Women deserve better health alternatives than taking hormonal birth control to help us live a normal life.  Today was my sign that I could stop being angry, and I could start healing.

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