con artist

In my early 20s I came to the conclusion, religion is for people that need comfort.  The idea of what comes after life apparently makes others scared, and thats where religion comes in.  It sweeps you off your feet and gives you all the reassurance that your life isn’t meaningless and you’ll live in some mansion in the clouds or some shit like that.  I never had that a-ha moment when it came to religion.  I went to a catholic school, and at one point, tried the 12 step program, and at neither of those times in my life did I feel comfort in God or a higher power.  I want to be clear that I’m not atheist.   I’m just okay with not knowing what the purpose of life is, or if there’s an after life.  I think for some things in life, it’s best to not go looking for answers.  Not all answers provide you with comfort.  My doctor called me to tell me I have cancer over the phone, and all  I remember is closing my eyes, tasting my tears, and saying “I think this is where you’re supposed to pray now”, but all I could think about is how if this is real, if this is my a-ha moment, God has a sick sense of humor. 

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